One big ball of stress.

I feel like I’m barely staying above water these days. Actually not even that. I remember going to the coast with my family when I was about 6 or 7. We hunted for seashells and life was good. (Ok, so I found out years later that my parents bought the seashells and put them on the beach for me but such is life) And then one day while swimming in the ocean my cousin took me out farther than I could touch so that I could be with all of the older cousins. Then they left me. I tried swimming back but as some of you may know my swimming abilities aren’t that great. I exhausted myself in going only a few feet and gave up. I alternated between swimming on my back and bobbing. I would sink to the bottom and push myself back up to get a breath. My uncle noticed my head surfacing only to disappear again and brought me back to shore. I’m waiting for that bringing back to shore part.

I signed up for three Independent Study classes after being told that there should be no problem finishing them in a month. Wrong. I don’t know how long these classes will take but it’s going to be much more than a month. So much for getting a nice break. I have three more classes to sign up for to be on track for graduation, and I have 2 options. Sign up for them summer term, take my fall classes and graduate. Or finish what I’ve got on my plate, take my fall classes and add a part time load to winter semester (pushing back graduation until April). All this trouble over three stupid classes. Some say to enjoy my time in school while my brain screams give me a flippin’ break. Graduating in December gives me more time to certify for a teaching certificate, while graduating in April gives me more time with a secure student job. I am probably stressing over this more than I should which leads me to my next update.

I feel like I’ve been battling some sort of illness since February. I had strep in February and spent March recouping from that and catching up (but failing to do so) in school work. In April I had a cold sore (had no idea what it was though) and then I started to feel like the strep was coming back but I ignored it and went to AZ for a friend’s wedding. I had a fever the entire week but of course I did nothing so when I got back to Provo I bucked up and went to urgent care where they told me “Not sure what you have but take this.” Go figure. That started to clear up and my wisdom tooth decided to give me hell. Guess I should go get those pulled. Then allergies hit so my head was one big throbbing weight on my shoulders. The word repulsive kept coming to my mind, dramatic I know but hey that’s how I felt. I’ve been so down the last few weeks that I seriously don’t remember what I did or who I was with. I would leave work since all I could do was stare at my computer screen. Driving wasn’t the safest thing for me to do, ever have those moments where after an intersection you have no idea if the light was actually green. Well, yeah… I went to the doctor one more time and I think I’m on my way back up. I have to kick this allergy crap and work on stress (which probably won’t happen but at least I’m trying).

My schedule is packed. I wake up and go to work until 3 or 4, come home to do school work until 8-ish. Wait, did I say I was going to have a relaxing summer? I think I did. What happened to that idea? I liked that idea.

I ran into Joanna at church on Sunday and we skipped on the last hour so we can catch up on everything. I miss that girl! We hope to get together more often and hang out, possibly lie out in the sun and read. Sun? What’s that? I haven’t seen the sun in weeks; I’ve been so caught up in getting everything back to par (and failing to do so) that I’ve been cooped up in a cubicle at work or my room at home.